Me. At least after what I've been through.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
