no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
