i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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