I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Someone shit on the floor
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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