so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
