i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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