My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
