My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
