ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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