Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
