i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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