I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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