From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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