No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize