you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
