Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
how does that bad decision feel?
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