that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
