Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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