I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize