the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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