We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
