Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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