You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
