Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
