PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
