Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
