if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
