LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
