The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
