Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
