He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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