I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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