I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
MIDGETS
????
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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