at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw a hot homeless man
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
