This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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