Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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