1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
