How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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