Dual....:-)
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
