Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
