3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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