He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
