we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
