Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
