We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
