so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
