I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
