Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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