'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
