Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
