how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
