I seem to have left my pride at pride
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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