On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
