you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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