Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
