they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
