bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
