You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
