4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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