Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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