Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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