Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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