You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
