One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
True strength comes from lack of pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
