5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
