I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
