And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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