why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
