You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
