Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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