I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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