Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
