i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
