Just mADE A PArabola og urine
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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