I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
