your parents love me but you hate me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
