I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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