Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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