It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
