4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
