Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
