did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
