I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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