Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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