i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
