wanna go halves on a baby?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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