Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
