What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
