sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
