Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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