there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
